Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Something for me to think about

I've been seeing a psychologist for a little while lately. One thing she mentioned today is how my family isn't really one to outwardly demonstrate love and such (not that it's a bad thing). We didn't really do a a lot of deep sharing and such. I actually share more on here than I do with anyone else. When she asked if there was anyone that I talked with about my medical problems, I had to admit that I honestly don't. I don't keep them secret from anyone, and if anyone asks I will usually tell them at least some of it, but it is something I keep a lot of to myself. [Even though I know this blog is public, I still view it as "my diary" more and one of the reasons why more is told here sometimes.] She mentioned that I might want to find a group that deals with chronic pain (my migraines) or something along those lines. I don't know how I feel about that. I just can't imagine how it would help, I guess. How could it really be any different than my life?

I've always had horrible allergies -heck, most of my schooling was on Benedryl, then Tavast, etc. - I'm surprised I stayed awake for most of my school day. It was a part of my life, just like headaches since both my parents got migraines. I grew up with doctors telling me that the headaches I had were from my eyesight (I got glasses in 3rd grade) and there was no such thing as a sinus headache, especially in children. [Now they are thinking that sinus headaches may even be a type of migraine.] It was just part of my life, including the vomiting, sensitivity to light, sound and smells. Since it was part of our family - mom understood that I wasn't lying when I said I didn't feel well but others don't. How do you explain a migraine to someone who doesn't get them? How do you explain it when a lot of times, each one is different, different things work, and they can last for different times and everyone can have different symptoms? You can't call into work in the morning and go in later in the day if you feel better because most people won't understand either. How many jobs can you name that are optimized to have no sound/light or smell? [Smell is the kicker - shampoo even kills me sometimes - imagine how much fun it was going into clean up kennels.]

The big thing now is that I can't take a lot of pain meds anymore (they are usually filtered through the liver) so I try to go for as long as I can before taking anything (which is good and bad - migraines sometimes react better the sooner to catch them - but most of the time my migraines either don't respond or come back the next day anyway). I just really hate getting sick, it kind of scares me how easily I catch things sometimes. Just shows me how bad my immune system is now. I've been pretty lucky in that I'm not working in the public now, and I'm not getting as sick as I could be, but still - this cold scared me a bit. It didn't take long at all, and my husband didn't catch it at all.

3 comments:

Jennifer said...

Hi, I found you through Billy Coffey's blog, and I am so glad that I did. I am touched by your comments. It is so good to have a place to feel like it's safe to share, and you're feeling that way with your blog. That's the way community is supposed to be. I'm glad you've found that here on the blogosphere -- at places like Billy's blog and others that provide hope. I pray, too, that you're able to open up with "safe people" face to face. ... I know this isn't really my "business," but I was just really touched by your vulnerability tonight, and wanted you to know that there's a sister out here who cares ...

Shelly said...

I too suffer from a slew of allergies and Benadryl has been one of my best friends for eons now. I have enjoyed reading your blog this morning.

Mary Mc said...

Hey SiL...I too have been blessed by your vulnerability on the blogosphere. I tend to fear being misunderstood so much that I review my more serious blog posts so much that sometimes they never get published! As for the support group idea, I think it's a good one. Adam and I both have been learning a lot lately about the need to have other people who really know what's going on in your life, especially if these people are experiencing similar things. As we've both found through our experiences with depression, one of the most healing things is simply hearing another person put into words the very things you have experienced! ps-I like the switch to blogger. I'm not a huge twitter fan.